First, before we delve into what this crazed strip of land is all about, let's get our geography and nomenclature sorted out. The Grand Strand, using the most liberal definition possible, stretches from Georgetown, South Carolina up to Southport, North Carolina: a long, arcing, 60-mile portion of coastline blessed with wide sandy beaches. Lining these beaches are all manner of oceanfront resorts, T-shirt shops, fireworks stands, putt-putt courses... you get the idea.

The town of Myrtle Beach is the epicenter of the Grand Strand, but because we're locals, we mostly refer to this area as "The Beach."

The Beach, in addition to hosting nearly 5 million rounds of golf a year on more than 100 courses, is a Mecca for an interesting mix of people, depending on the time of year.

December and January are relatively tame at The Beach, a quiet period where the only visitors are conference attendees and golfers who don't mind the occasional cold, windy day on the course. Those who live and work at The Beach can recharge their batteries before the first onslaught of the year from golfing snowbirds.

Golfers who live in Michigan, Wisconsin, Canada and Upstate New York (these are the snowbirds) generally spend the winter months either putting in their basements or ice fishing. This changes for one week a year when they take their annual boys-only expedition to The Beach for golf, drinking, "adult" clubs and some hard-core debauchery. Most of these trips take place during the traditional spring break months of February, March and April.

In May, when the tundra of northern climes has thawed and it's possible to play golf in Green Bay, the snowbirds return home to be replaced by lusty, marauding teenagers in post high school graduation mode. Their goals: sunburn, cirrhosis of the liver, and "interaction" with the opposite sex.

Once this orgy ends, families from as far away as North Dakota minivan in for a week of jungle golf, sunburn, carnival rides, and dodgy seafood.

Come mid-august, schools recommence and The Beach once again becomes the playground of golfers, many of whom visit from overseas, lured from Germany, England and Japan by reports of non-stop golf and outrageous après golf "activities."

The guiding force that guides The Beach must be a Grateful Dead fan, or more specifically, they must have heard and taken to heart the song "I Need a Miracle," which includes the line "Too much of everything is just enough." At The Beach, nothing succeeds like excess: If it's not big, neon, gaudy, and cheap, then it's just not worth the price of admission.

The Beach thrives on tacky gooney golf, loud bars, huge restaurants, musical and theatrical "shows" in massive stucco theaters, aging multi-story hotels, anything NASCAR, anything colored lime or hot pink, anything flashy, anything that's a "deal."

But millions love it, returning year after year to stay at the same motel with the same clapped-out air conditioner, only to get the same stomach ailment from the same all-you-can-gorge buffet. The congestion, particularly in summer, can be catastrophic, and yet people never complain. It's The Beach. What more can you say?

It's a lot easier to understand what makes The Beach so attractive to so many golfers. The Grand Strand boasts 100 courses(!), yet there's meat and substance underpinning this dazzling quantity. While a few of the 100 (and there are more on the way) need some TLC, most are solid layouts, and a select few justifiably rank among the nation's best public-access courses. For all the tackiness elsewhere around town, this is certainly a legitimate golf destination.

Still, there's a sameness to much of the golf at the beach. If you were to abduct and blindfold someone who knows the courses somewhat intimately, take them to a fairway, take off the blindfold then ask them where they were, they might be hard pressed to tell you. The land here is flat as a pancake and there's only so much a golf course architect can achieve given those circumstances. On most Beach courses, the major hazards are drainage ditches, irrigation ponds and quasi-malarial swamp. Ironically, few courses at The Beach actually border the sea.

In all, 12 million visitors descend on The Beach every year; it's crucial to plan and book ahead before you arrive. Many hotels offer golf packages that include lodging and rounds at a handful of courses and employ a director of golf who sets up tee times for guests. Many golfers take advantage of the services of an organization called Myrtle Beach Golf Holiday, (800) 845-4653. It's more than possible to organize a trip yourself but it's often easiest to secure plum tee times at the courses of your choice if you book through a hotel or Myrtle Beach Golf Holiday. Plus it saves time and hassle.

But most importantly, and we can't say this enough, book ahead or suffer the consequences.

Golf course pricing varies tremendously throughout the year. Approximate fees are highest in spring and fall but many courses offer prime time discounts if you book through a hotel or golf package. Many hotels offer similar discounts. Keep in mind that the rates and fees listed in this chapter are provided as a general guideline.

It's possible to binge at The Beach and have a hugely expensive golf vacation. But it's equally easy to come to The Beach and spend remarkably little on a golf holiday while staying at a decent hotel and playing mid-level courses. Perhaps that's part of the attraction of The Beach to so many golfers from around the United States: There's nothing snooty here.

One further geographical note. Myrtle Beach and North Myrtle Beach are two separate entities. People from the latter think they're better that people from the former and vice versa, but that's of little interest to the visitor. Both towns have street grids and thus 17th street could be in either place, plus you need to check whether it's 17th street North or South. Buy a street map when you arrive: Most golf courses are listed.

It's easy to attack and criticize the gaudiness of The Beach and the neon mega-tacky vibe it proudly broadcasts. But something must be a bit more than OK if 12 million people come here before going elsewhere. At its core, The Beach is a playground for all ages and most tastes. If you want refinement, solitude, class, vintage clarets, and Duck à l'orange, visit Pinehurst or Charleston. But if you want raw fun and excitement with an almost infinite variety of courses at your disposal, then you can't go wrong at The Beach. Leave whatever snobbiness and/or aesthetic values you possess at home and you'll have the time of your life on The Grand Strand.